How to Love Your Kids When You’re Too Busy

Modern parents are busy. Work, bills, errands, emails, appointments, household responsibilities—and a phone that makes it possible for all of them to follow us everywhere.

Then there are our kids.

We love them more than anything in the world, yet it can sometimes feel as though giving them the attention they deserve is just one more thing competing for time we don’t have.

GRP The Golden Rule Paradox offers a different way to look at the problem.

GRP is built around a remarkably simple idea. 

When we genuinely prioritize the well-being of others, above our own desires, we are the ones that benefit the most.

(Also the more we prioritize our own desires, at the expense of others, we are the ones that suffer the most. But, that’s for another blog)

There may be no better place to put that principle into practice than with our children.

Your Kids Don’t Need Every Minute. They Need You in the Minutes You Give Them.

Being there and being present are not the same thing.

In GRP The Golden Rule Paradox, I tell the story of a friend who runs a store, usually seven days a week. He loves his children deeply, but like so many busy parents, much of his attention had become focused on taking care of their practical needs: Did they have lunch money? Were they getting to school on time? Was their homework done?

So I suggested something different. I told him to go home, quietly look at his children with love, and ask himself a simple question:

What do they really need?

He discovered that one of his children needed Dad to stop and genuinely listen—to take a real interest in the day’s adventures. The other mostly needed a hug.

These weren’t things that required hours. They required his attention.

And something remarkable happened. His children responded to him in a deeper way, too. They were happier, more connected, and even complained less about doing their chores.

Later, he told me it was “the best day he had with his kids… EVER!”

That’s how GRP works.

It’s not easy.

When we’re overwhelmed, our instinct is often to protect our time.

I have too much to do.  I need to finish this.  I’ll spend time with them when things calm down.

But things rarely calm down.

GRP suggests something almost counterintuitive: sometimes the way to feel better isn’t to squeeze another task into the day. It’s to temporarily turn our attention away from ourselves and toward someone we love.

Research throughout GRP demonstrates the extraordinary effects that caring for, helping, and connecting with other people can have on our own happiness, health, relationships, and even longevity.

What Will They Remember?

Years from now, your children probably won’t remember whether every email was answered, the house was perfectly clean, or you finished everything on your to-do list.

They’ll remember whether you were there.

Whether you listened.

Whether they felt important to you.

You don’t have to completely reorganize your life to practice GRP with your children. You don’t need unlimited time.

Sometimes it begins by simply stopping, looking at the child in front of you, and asking:

What do they really need from me right now?

Then give it to them.

That’s good for them.

And just as important… that’s good for you!

And that’s GRP!